Why on Earth did I use Amazon to pre-order The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword?

ROMEO
'Tis torture and not mercy. Heaven is here,
Where Skyward Sword lives, and every cat and dog
And little mouse, every unworthy thing,
Live here in heaven and may look on it,
But Toby may not. More validity,
More honorable state, more courtship lives
In carrion flies than Toby. They may seize
On the golden wonder of dear Skyward Sword's Wiimote
And steal immortal blessing from its buttons,
Who even in pure and vestal modesty,
Still blush, as thinking their own buttons sin.
But Toby may not. He is waiting on Amazon.
Flies may do this, but I from this must fly.
They are free men, but I am waiting on Amazon.
And sayst thou yet that waiting is not death?
Hadst thou no poison mixed, no sharp-ground knife,
No sudden mean of death, though ne'er so mean,
But “not yet shippèd” to kill me?—“NOT YET SHIPPÈD”!
O Internet, the damnèd use that word in hell.
Howling attends it. How hast thou the heart,
Being a divine, a ghostly confessor,
A sin-absolver, and my friend professed,
To mangle me with that word “NOT YET SHIPPÈD”?

I Own It and This Is What I Think: iTunes Match

I have spent a lot of money the last week or so, mainly on myself because it was my birthday.  One of the things I spent money on was an iTunes Match subscription.  For those not in the know; iTunes Match is a new service from Apple that lets you download music you have in your iTunes library onto a Mac, PC, or iOS device that,  for one reason or another, doesn't have that song already.  When Steve Jobs gave his last keynote address over the summer, iTunes Match was probably the thing I was most excited about (and probably the thing everyone else on watching was least excited about).

First, let's go over some of the free features that have been rolled out already via iTunes in the Cloud.  Back in the dark ages if you bought a workout song on your computer, but forgot to sync your iPhone before you hit the gym, you were out of luck and would have to excercise while listening to whatever sad selection of two-week-old AT40 hits you had, like a square, or pay for the song again on your phone, like a double-square.  However, in this wonderful new utopia that iTunes Match brings us, you can buy a song on one device and then download it for free on your other Apple ID linked devices.  Right now, if you are self-aware, you are probably asking, "Why is this a NEW feature of iTunes 10.5.1 and not a feature built in to iTunes 1.0."   My answer to that is, "Beats me."

So what am I getting for the $25 I spent on iTunes Match?  After letting iTunes Match scan my music library, it has matched songs in my library with songs sold on iTunes.  So, after I ripped the track "Two More Lonely People" from the CD I bought from Target of the album "Can't Be Tamed" by Destiny Hope Cyrus, I can now have iTunes Match see that I own that song.  So, if, by some horrific oversight, I have failed to sync Cyrus' pop love ballad to my iPod, I can connect to my nearest WiFi network and put the song closest to my heart back in my pocket.  The advertised kicker is even if iTunes doesn't sell this masterpiece of a song, iTunes Match allows me to upload it to Apple's servers, and download it onto another device.

My computer savvy friends are probably saying, "Toby, why are you going to a store and buying a CD?  Don't you know only cave men are still using physical media?  All of the cool kids are staying in the comfort of their mom's basement and illegally downloading music at no monetary cost without even needing to put on pants."  To those friends, and the rest of my audience, not only must I admit that I am part of the generation that fully expects to be able to download music for free, but I have, without remorse, done so for years.

This is where I answer the question everyone without 25 bucks to burn is asking:  CAN I USE ITUNES MATCH TO AUTOMAGICALLY TRANSFORM MY ILLEGALLY TORRENTED/BEARSHARED/LIMEWIRED/OLD-SCHOOL-NAPSTERED BASTARD MUSIC INTO LEGIT SONGS?

The answer:
Yes.  I am doing it right now.

After running iTunes Match:
IF I have a song in my library that I downloaded off of the internet
AND
IF iTunes sells that song in its catalogue
THEN
I can delete it from my library/harddrive and download it as a fully legit song from iTunes.

The part that has made me feel that my $25 was well spent is that if I delete a 128 or 96 kbps matched song from my library, when I download it, it is now a higher quality 256 kbps file.  Nice.

There is, however, the great unknown: if I cancel or don't renew my iTunes Match subscription will my music disappear or become unplayable?  I don't know.  My educated guess and hope is no.  Only time will tell.

I Own It and This Is What I Think is a series of reviews published by Tobias Turner via TrashGoblin's Emporium covering personal opinions of physical products and subscription based services available to the general public.  No endorsement or guarantee of any physical product or service is implied or given in this publication.  All terms, products, and characters have been used under Fair Use.

Goodbye to a Good Friend

I was digging through my drawers today; the ones for storing things in my closet, not the ones for storing my legs and hips; and I found one of dearest old friends.  His name was clearly inscribed across his chest, 

GAME BOY pocket

Ah, my first handheld gaming system.  First, that is if, you do not count all of the other handheld-sized toys that I had and were used to play games.  Moronic misinterpretations of the term "handheld gaming system" aside, my game boy and I were a common duo in the late 1990s.  This game boy helped me deepen my love for The Legend of Zelda and taught me just how hard it is to catch'em all.  

My parents purchased this game boy for me as a Christmas present.  It was the kind of gift that a young man was so eager to have that he would sneak into the closet that hid the Christmas presents, smuggle it out of the house, play with it at school, and craftily return it to its spot in the closet before his parents came home.  It was purchased as a used device, so I know I was not the first to love this game boy, but I learned today that I mayforever be the last to love the device.

I found the device just as I had left it: two slight cracks in the translucent casing below the screen, but in good shape, otherwise.  I went to switch the power on, and found there was no response.  I searched the house for AAA batteries.  I found no fresh batteries, and soon surmised that this was because only one other device in my home even uses AAA batteries (a remote control for a DVD player).  I cannibalized these batteries and went to use them to breathe new life into my old pal.

This is where I discovered that the last cartridge my game boy and I would enjoy together was already in the distant past.  The batteries in my device had passed their healthy shelf life years ago, 2009 to be exact (oh, how 2009 must have seemed like a distant dream when I first popped them into the game boy).  Expired batteries have the potential to create a large amount of corrosion, and these batteries were living up to every bit of potential they ever had.  I desperately pried the dead batteries out of my friend, scraped away the corrosion, and worriedly inserted the new batteries.  Nothing.  He was gone.

"CONTRAST!" I screamed to myself.  "For no good reason at all, the GAME BOY pocket was equipped with a contrast adjustment wheel!  If I adjust the contrast then I will see....nothing.  Nothing at all."  The brief, bright light of a second chance was quickly snuffed out and became a second chasm of gloom.

My friend's life has been taken away.  What hurts me the most is that it was my own neglect that lead to this and that I have no way of knowing how long this good chum of mind sat dead and gone in my closet.  Dead and gone with me passing by every day, not even knowing he had left us.

I don't exactly know what to do with the empty shell that now sits on my desk.  So, I have decided to print out this post, fold it, and place it in the now empty cartridge slot of my game boy.  I will leave him sitting somewhere in a public place and hope that fate will bring him and my message to a soul that has the strength to dispose of him in a dignified way for me, for the game boy is too close to me for me to ever see it discarded in the trash and it is far to environmentally irresponsible for me to give it a proper burial.

And perhaps, in some Utopian time far from now, the kind soul that finds my friend and my goodbye letter to him will be able to bring him back from beyond the silicon gates of game boy heaven and allow him to once more bring joy into the world of ours, here, on this good Earth.

Don't You Want to Be a Sellout?

If you are an artist and you like money, boy, have I got a deal for you. In my effort to make my internet presence less borrowed and more Copyright 2011 Tobias Turner, I want to have an avatar that is uniquely mine and does not belong to anyone else and does not use someone else's intellectual property.

If you are a talented and experienced (or the opposite of those adjectives) internet avatar artist, email, IM, or tweet your submissions to me. I will pay you money in an amount that we can agree upon for an acceptable avatar and for the exclusive rights to use it. If I don't like your submission; I promise not to use it in any way, shape, or form. I also promise not to pay you for it.

Here are all of the fun ways you can try to contact me if you don't have my IRL contact info already.

Email  TheTrashGoblin@gmail.com

Twitter  twitter.com/TrashGoblin

AIM  TheTrashGoblin

Below are some pictures I'd enjoy using as avatars, but they belong to other people. Use them for inspiration if you wish. What's that? YOU own this image and you'd like to sign your rights away to me? I can live with that!

EDIT:  I have deleted the pictures.  This is because a lovely person from England made an avatar and sold it to me.  She is awesome and if I ever find myself in her part of the world, I will buy her a drink, or coffee, or tea or whatever token of appreciation she likes.  You can see her artwork by visiting http://minkee.co.uk/.

I am The TrashGoblin

Drawing inspiration from Chris Hardwick's "The Nerdist Podcast," (be careful, said podcast is not safe for mom) I have decided to stake claim to my corner of the internet.

My corner of the internet includes, but is not limited to:

-TrashGoblin is a brand you know, love, and respect.

-Commentary on how technology is cool and/or a waste of time.

-Why I hate things.

-Why I love things.

-Why I hate you.

-Why I hate you, even more.

-Will I ever actually take the plunge and try to make money at something I love doing?

-Am I just dumb or super dumb for taking so long to start using Google Reader?

-How do copyrights work? e.g. How can I stop Andy from claiming ownership rights to the term "TrashGoblin" when said term becomes a brand you know, love, and respect and he just wants to mooch off of my fame and popularity?

-How do copyrights work? e.g. How can I kick whatever losers stole the AIM and Skype handles from me for TrashGoblin in the legal balls?

-TrashGoblin is a brand you know, love, and respect; and a term I will teach my spell check to know, love, and respect.... stupid red, squiggly line of disrespect.