Monday, August 11, 2014

Robin Wiliams

Hey Everybody,

Toward the end of 7th grade, I began taking a daily prescribed anti-depressant. It bothered me that this year marks a tipping point. I have been taking an anti-depressant for half my life. Everyday is a day longer that I've lived with an anti-depressant than I've lived without.

Most days I live a normal life. Some days I feel that I am 'incomplete' or that my brain doesn't work 'the way it's supposed to.' People have told me there's no shame in taking an anti-depressant, no more than there is in wearing a cast for a broken arm or taking insulin for diabetes. Logically, that makes sense. Emotionally, sometimes logic doesn't matter.

If I go without my prescription for as little as one day, I experience excruciating pain. I've seen medical journals describe this as "Discontinuation Syndrome." My head throbs in a way that makes my entire body boil with pain.

I rarely dream. I envy those that begin their day by recounting their dreams.

I live this life of mental health everyday, yet even I think, "How could Robin Williams be depressed?"

"If I had a tenth of his success, my life would be perfect."

"If I had a tenth of his wealth, my life would be perfect."

That is the culture of judgement and stigma toward mental health we live in.

Depression isn't something you can just shake by thinking, "just cheer up" anymore than a stroke is something you can "just walk off."

It had been several years since I had spoken with a dear high school friend when she took her own life. Even after years without contact, I would have dropped everything if I had known she was thinking of hurting herself.

Dear friend, I don't have every answer to every question that you have. But I want to talk to you about what you are feeling. Whether you think we are best friends or distant strangers, I want us to lean on each other when we need strength.